Tom Hooper’s Cats is deemed as one of the worst outings of 2019. The adaptation of the Andrew Lloyd Webber stage musical has a jellifying 20% score on the Tomatometer, with many criticising its creepy use of visual effects and cringeworthy storyline. In our review of Cats, our writer also dubbed it the “stuff of pure nightmares” and a “glorious disaster of epic proportions”. The film undoubtedly flopped in magnificent fashion as well, as the feline musical scratched away a mere $75 million (USD) on a $95 million (USD) budget.
Now, as much as it was torture to sit through a screening, the stories that have come out since then have provided much comic relief. It drew mockery from its own stars during the 92nd Academy awards this year and was crowned ‘Worst Picture’ at the Golden Raspberry Awards last month. But surely… the most scintillating piece of information to make its rounds is with regard to the existence of feline anuses. Yeah. You heard that right. Mew-mews initially had tiny little poo-poos in the movie. Please, allow me to explain while you hold on to this gradually unravelling ball of string.
About a month ago, an anonymous VFX editor who worked on Cats came out into the open to do a tell-all on his experience with the film. He dropped the bombshell that his job was to digitally remove the CGI anuses that had been in the models prior. Soon after, the online community sniffed up the information and began musing about a butthole version of the movie, stating that they were robbed of potential greatness and began crediting the film’s losses to this very missing aspect. Personalities such as Seth Rogen and Rian Johnson led the charge in demanding for anuses, utilising the hashtag #ReleaseTheButtholeCut (which also parodied DCEU fan’s obsessions for Zack Snyder’s mythical Justice League cut) to rile up a movement. However, that all came crashing down when another source claimed that there were no intentional shots of pussy-ass-galore, but the textures only made it look like there was.
Nevertheless, tabby booties are back in the game as a new report from The Daily Beast confirms the existence of such. In an interview, another VFX editor for Cats openly testified that the inception of the butthole saga transpired in the midst of production. Here’s what the source said:
When we were looking at the playbacks, we were like, “What the hell? You guys see that?!” We paused it. We went to call our supervisor, and we’re like, “There’s a f****** asshole in there! There’s buttholes!” It wasn’t prominent but you saw it… And you [were] just like, “What the hell is that?… There’s a f****** butthole in there.” It wasn’t in your face—but at the same time, too, if you’re looking, you’ll see it.
The source then told the Daily Beast that there was no prior directive given to warrant the existence of such travesties.
“There was nobody that said, ‘We want buttholes.’ It was one of those things that just happened and slipped through.”
The development of this berserk story is absolutely delighting. I mean, the actual film itself had some CG glitches, the most notable one being Judi Dench’s human hand appearing instead of a furry feline paw.
I believe Cats is shaping up to be a cult classic. Much like Tommy Wiseau’s The Room, it has conviction in its maddening self, in its tone and in its characters. Nevertheless, its status as a masterpiece among the “so bad it’s good” books will only be limited by how masochistic society is.
In the meantime, if you are hungry for some hineys, you can watch the little fan-made video above to have a little taste of feline arses. Until then, have a pleasant day and night, don’t let the bed butts bite.
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