*This work is a piece of satire. The author has no connection to any Kickstarter scams, is not in any way connected to “Encik Farhan”, and would like very much to boil said scammers in olive oil.
Kickstarter has been in the news again. This time because of a certain individual who has been banned from the crowdsourcing site for scamming hundreds of projects. Many of these projects had already shipped his rewards to him, leading the enterprising man to benefit greatly from the risk he took.
Because I am a pleasant and helpful person, here is a step-by-step guide to scamming Kickstarter. All so you too can benefit from the practice.
Continues after the break.
Step 1: Create a fake name to use
This name must be cunningly designed so that it can never be traced back to you. For example, my name is Farhan. Therefore my deviously crafty online name shall be “Encik Farhan”. This will allow me to remain anonymous in cyberspace and conduct my activities without problems.
Step 2: Create an email address
Creating a fake email is a necessary part of this scam. However, this will be used to identify you, so you must be as cunning as a fox who has just been appointed as professor of cunning at Oxford University. Obviously, it should reflect part of your personality. I would use akusukaiphone@gmail.com.
Step 3: Sell soul to unholy beings.
This is the most crucial step. Having a soul will make you eventually regret scamming hardworking people out of their dreams. Removing it will require you to make a pact with some sort of unholy being. Preferably done with plenty of pentagrams and black candles in your living room. That way people who visit your house will know for certain that you no longer have a soul.
Step 4: Pledge to back Kickstarter with greatest rewards.
You are now ready to begin scamming projects on Kickstarter. So start looking through the site for things that you could want. It could be a spork that turns into a knife, or a 3D printer that prints pizzas. Either way, when you find a product that you want, go ahead and pledge the largest amount available. This will ensure that you get the greatest reward possible for your ill-gotten gains.
Step 5: Wait for rewards to be shipped.
The problem with Kickstarter is that it takes time for rewards to be shipped. This could take anywhere from a month to a whole year. But that is fine, weaker individuals would have taken the easier route of scamming online merchants.
Step 6: Dispute the charge on your credit card.
Once your rewards are on their way to you, immediately call up your friendly local bank and dispute the charge on your credit card. This way, you won’t have to pay for what you received. It is a deliberately cunning plan to avoid spending money on things you want.
Step 7: Profit!
Congratulations! Now that you own something obtained in a manner only slightly less theft, you have profited in life. Please note that if you skipped step 3 you might be feeling some small amounts of guilt. This is normal for human beings, and if you want to avoid it you should go back to perform step 3 now.
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